Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
