why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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