i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
