No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
