He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
