I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
