i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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