that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
