are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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