well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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