I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
