dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
