i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
