Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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