HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
