worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry about my life...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
