dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
