everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Fuck appropriateness.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
