I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
