I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
