I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
