Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
