you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
