after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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