So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
