Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
