I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
