i barfeds in our rink
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
