Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
