Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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