hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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