so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
