i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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