so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Pooping to opera.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
