my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
