Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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