I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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