WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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