even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
