He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
