also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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