I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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