Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
