I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
