So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
