Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
