Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
