Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
