You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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