I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
