Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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