was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
