my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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