I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
