six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
